Leaving
by Fixional Draemer
Summary: Clary decides that she wants to go back to living a normal teenage life; not as a demon slaying shadowhunter any longer. But will she be able to let go of Jace and her life at the Institute? My first fan fic so please read and review, thanks!
1. Clary's Decision

Clary lay down on her bed, her eyelids feeling heavier than stone and glued together by her dried up teardrops. All she wanted to do was forget about today, the look of utter horror and despondency on Jace's face, as well as the sorrow plastered across the faces of the Lightwoods. Why did she always have to ruin things just when they were starting to run smoothly? She had finally felt at ease, as had everyone else, when it was made public that she was of no blood relation to that pretty, blond haired Jace. But then she had come to a decision that she wanted to live no more of a shadowhunter life. All she wanted was to be a normal girl living like any other typical public-schooled female teenager, with a life of school dances to plan with friends and exams to study for alone.

She had known what their reactions would be, of course, and had braced herself for that. What she had not been prepared for was her own feelings after she saw the faces of the ones she loved fill with sadness. It hit her with full force, so hard that she had almost backed out of what she had planned for so long. _This is what I want_, she reminded herself, _this is the life I should be living_. However, as Clary Fray lay on her bed at the Institute, she could not help but remember the day's events and the tears that formed behind her closed eyes.

_~ start of flashback~_

_Clary walked into the room, where everyone was seated around the table laughing at Church, who was playing with his own tail. She sat down as well and Jace put an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She leant her head down on his shoulder._

"_What's wrong?" Jace asked, being the first one to notice how worried she looked._

_Clary shook her head, then stopped and sighed. She wound an arm around Jace's waist. Finally, after she had summed up enough courage, the fiery redhead whispered, "I'm leaving."_

"_You what?!" Jace practically jumped out of his seat._

_All heads turned to look at them, full of surprise at Jace's sudden outburst._

"_I-I'm leaving. To live with Luke or someone who would let me live a normal life. Simon maybe. Or one of my friends once I get back to school if they'll welcome me in. I'm tired of living as a shadowhunter. Now that Valentine's dead, I'm not needed here any more, and this whole demon hunting business is stopping me from going to public school and shopping with ordinary girls and boys like I used to, like I should be doing. I'm sick of all this training and applying runes. There's no point. It's not like the world is in any danger of falling apart because of demons any time soon. I told Luke about me leaving, and he is, as always, more than happy to have me stay at his house. I've already called Simon and he says he's going to ask his mother if I can live with them; she'll most probably say yes. I really am sorry, but I can't stay here much longer. I'm moving to Luke's tomorrow."_

_When Clary slowly looked around at everyone's faces, she very nearly bolted out of the room right there and then. Maryse's expression was rather motherly though filled with surprise and sadness. It was of concern and grief, but also of understanding. Robert's was similar to his wife's. Alec's and Isabelle's faces was a mask of complete shock, the latter's mouth opening and closing a few times silently. Clary realized that Jace's arm was gone from around her shoulders and his hand was now gripping his chair. his knuckles were white and his whole body trembling. His face was the worst, the one that had her doubting her plan to leave the Institute. It was full of devastation, anger, self-disgust, hopelessness, and more than a hundred over negative emotions were flickering across his now pale face. It was also then that she had ran from the room, up the stairs, and slammed the door to her bedroom shut with all the force she had._

_~ end of flashback ~_

_Clary was jerked awake by a knock at the door. She groaned and pulled her blankets up around her, hoping to muffle the sounds. She knew all too well who was outside her room, but had no intentions of speaking to that specific human being right now in her depressed state. The door opened. Clary sighed and turned around, faking sleep. _


	2. Isabelle's Night Time Visit

**Thanks everyone who reviewed! And thanks Tonip1901 for adding this into your favorite stories category! Ok, so… this story is currently rated K+, but may be moved up to T later on when Jace comes in. Oh, and the last paragraph in Chapter 1 wasn't supposed to be italicized. Sorry for that mistake.**

_(Clary was jerked awake by a soft knock at the door. She groaned quietly and pulled her blankets up around her, hoping to muffle the sounds. She knew all too well who was outside her room, but had no intentions of speaking to that specific human being right now in her depressed state. The door opened. Clary sighed and turned around, faking sleep.)_

The door opened a crack to reveal a very worried looking Isabelle in her nightshirt.

"Clary? Are you alright? Can I come in?"

The redhead turned around to face her black haired friend. She gave Isabelle a shaky smile which didn't reach her eyes at all. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just… I need a little time to think things over. Sure you can come in."

Isabelle entered and sat at the edge of Clary's bed. She glanced over at the tired girl lying down on the mattress, then sighed dramatically to get her attention. Clary looked up to see Isabelle frowning at her with an annoyed expression on her pretty face.

"What?" Clary mouthed the question at her friend, too tired to produce much sound.

"Well, if you really are leaving tomorrow… Do you need help packing your stuff or something? And, um, you aren't really going to be leaving your whole life at the Institute, are you? You will come visit us frequently, won't you? Also, could we go on a shopping trip tomorrow? I don't want to let you go without some jolly outing so I, um, _you_, won't feel so dull once you leave us. It's to make you feel better; to lighten everyone's moods. Please?" Isabelle was looking at Clary as though she was a little five-year-old girl and Clary had a piece of yummy candy in her hand.

The latter girl sat up slowly, shifting her weight so she was sitting comfortably facing Isabelle but still had half her body under the covers. Resting her back against the bed's backboard, she plucked absentmindedly at her own nightshirt and bit her bottom lip in thought. As much as she liked Isabelle, Clary was almost afraid of the other girl's "shopping trips", and would usually find any excuse she could to say no to Isabelle. But then again, she was pretty sure she didn't want to come back to this place again, and she didn't want to let Isabelle feel rejected in any way.

"No thanks, I've already packed most of my belongings already. I've only got a few last minute things to put into my bags tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I can manage that myself. But thanks for asking. Well, I _was _thinking about leaving this place and everyone in it for good, but I think I think I will come and visit every now and then. Maybe… About the shopping trip… um, okay. Sure, why not? I guess it _will _do us both some good. But I'm leaving for Luke's at around three in the afternoon, so we'll have to be quick unless you don't mind waiting for me to finish packing and then going out for dinner as well."

"Great! We'll do both. Shopping before and dinner afterwards. Do you want to invite Jace and Alec along as well?"

Clary hesitated. Isabelle sounded so enthusiastic about bringing her brother and the other boy along with them, it would be anything but polite to say no. But Clary didn't want to see Jace's face any time soon. She knew what it would look like, and that if she set her eyes upon him before going away, her heart would somehow convince her to stay for Jace's sake.

"I don't really care. Invite whoever you want along with us. After all, you're the host of this trip. Oh, and because of that, you're paying for all the clothes we buy, as well as dinner." Clary managed a grin at Isabelle, who shrugged lightly with a grin of her own in response.

"Oh, I'd pay a hundred dollars if it meant you'd be happy during that whole trip. Please, for my sake, be cheerful, okay? I don't want my last image of Clarissa Fray to be a depressing one."

"Sure, whatever." Clary shrugged, yawning. She was so tired her brain was having trouble deciphering Isabelle's words.

Fortunately, Isabelle took that yawn as her cue to leave. "Right, you should go to sleep now. Thanks for accepting. This really means a lot to me, you know. Good luck out there with Luke and the others." Her face fell a little, as she stood up and walked slowly out of Clary's room.

"Night, Isabelle!" Clary called after the retreating figure. She saw a hand wave in return.

She sighed and slipped down into her warm bed, waiting patiently for sleep to come. Finally, just as she was about to drift off, another knock on her bedroom door awakened her. She grumbled sleepily and kicked at her blankets. But just as she was about to shout "Go away, it's eleven o'clock midnight and I'm trying to get some decent sleep here!", the door opened, and a face popped in. Clary grunted, clearly annoyed. She didn't even bother looking up to see who it was. Who else would come without permission into her room at such an ungodly hour as eleven _post meridian_?

**Heheh. You probably know who this person is already. Anyways, review review review!!! Thanks so much for reading until the end. PM me if you have any suggestions as to where this story should lead. I've got a basic idea, but I've still got some missing pieces in the middle of the story. Please help! I'll be posting the next chapter soon, so keep checking back! **

**-- Seyra**


	3. Jac's Say

**Hey guys, so… guess my last chapter wasn't that much of a cliffhanger, eh? Never mind. Sorry this chapter took so long. I didn't feel like writing for some reason… O_o My next chapter is most probably going to take even longer, since exams are coming up soon and after that it's the summer holidays! YAY!! So… I was actually thinking about letting Alec talk to Clary in this one, but decided against that. There's not much they can talk about, really. Thanks again for the reviews, everyone! They were all very encouraging. Okay, I'll get started now. Enjoy, and REVIEW! ^.^**

_She sighed and slipped down into her warm bed, waiting patiently for sleep to come. Finally, just as she was about to drift off, another knock on her bedroom door awakened her. She grumbled sleepily and kicked at her blankets. But just as she was about to shout "Go away, it's eleven o'clock midnight and I'm trying to get some decent sleep here!", the door opened, and a face popped in. Clary grunted, clearly annoyed. She didn't even bother looking up to see who it was. Who else would come without permission into her room at such an ungodly hour as eleven _post meridian_?_

Clary rolled over to face the wall and squeezed her eyes shut, as she heard soft footsteps approaching her bed. They stopped, then after a few seconds, a hand reached down to touch her cheek lightly. Her skin tingled. She nearly shivered from his touch. But finally she turned around to face him, squinting her eyes to see him better through the annoying yet comforting darkness of her room.

"Why are you and Isabelle so intent on making me stay awake the whole night? Seriously, Jace Wayland, I need energy for tomorrow's moving and unpacking." She half grumbled, half shouted the words at the boy standing calmly beside her.

"Well, I'm not sure what Isabelle's intentions were, but mine is so that you will, hopefully, sleep late tomorrow and I'll get to see more of you." Clary looked up to see Jace smirking down at her. But his face softened as he continued. "So you really are leaving? I thought, I _hoped_, that you were just joking."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I really am leaving. Mot probably for good. And anyways, Isabelle already has a shopping trip and dinner scheduled for tomorrow, so you'll be seeing me the whole day either way. I'm sorry I didn't give you guys an earlier notice of my leaving, because it was obvious you all would have tried to stop me. You and Isabelle, anyway."

Clary was focusing all her attention on making her words sound at least somewhat casual - her heart was tearing apart at the thought of leaving Jace behind - she didn't notice the blond boy leaning in toward her until his soft lips brushed against hers gently. She gave a small gasp, trying to deepen the kiss, but Jace pulled away fast.

"Do you really want to leave me, Clarissa Fray?" He murmured, his golden eyes smoldering inches from her own. His lips hovered centimeters from her face, tempting her toward him. She did not, _could _not, move.

Finally, she managed to whisper, "No, but I-"

"Then why are going? I thought you loved me, Clary. I thought you loved me as much as I love you. And I would never, _could never_, leave you even if I wanted to. You are my life, Clarissa Fray. I _need_ you. And the only way to leave you is to kill myself. All this time I thought that was the way you felt toward me. But no, I was wrong. You never loved me this deeply, did you? You only saw me as a toy for you to play with, a boy to experiment and flirt with. How can you do this to me Clary? Why me?"

Jace's voice started out tender, caring, but increased in pitch as he neared the end, becoming fiercer, filling with emotion. Clary could only stare at him, her mouth hanging open in surprise as he straightened and looked into her eyes, his own as cold and hard as steel.

"No! how could you think this Jace? I do love you! It's just… it's not _you_, Jace, can't you see? It's the rest of them, this whole shadowhunter, vampire, demon slaying life I'm trying to get rid of." Clary swept one hand around the room to indicate what she was trying to say. "I want to be a normal girl again. I never intended to leave you. You've never had a chance to live like any other typical teenage boy. But I've experienced an ordinary life before. In fact, I would still be in one if not for Valentine and such. And you know what? That other life is wonderful. It's amazing, superb. There are no demons to kill, no difficult physical training to do, no vampires and faeries to worry about like this one does. It's such a free life, Jace. But you'll never understand it. You'll never understand _me_. Never."

She trailed off in barely a whisper, her head bent low, staring down at her hands which were now clenched together as if in prayer. Clary didn't look up to watch as Jace walked out of her room as slowly as he had entered. She could hear both their hearts breaking into two, trying desperately to form a whole again. Unsuccessfully.

She sighed, a lone tear falling in a jagged line down her face. She did not get a wink of sleep that night.

**The end was rather bad, sorry about that. This is only my second time writing romance. But I hope you guys liked it! I'll try to write longer chapters next time, since these are really short and annoying. Should I end it here or add more chapters? Please review and help me out, or PM me. Thanks!!!**

**-- Seyra**


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